dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
