i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
