In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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