so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
