i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think I died a long time ago.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
