I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
