Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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