she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize