Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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