My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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