He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
