$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
