...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
