it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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