I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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