I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
