I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
