i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
