The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
