Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We are two peas in an std pod
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
