Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
