I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
