Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
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i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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