Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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