i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
