He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
