My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
