You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize