I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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