Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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