i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
