Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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