You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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