well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How drunk are you?
Completed.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
