True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
