I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
