Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
