Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
