Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
