I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
