hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
