I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
