I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Even my vagina gasped.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
As shirtless as possible
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
