if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
