She is in my trunk
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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