i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
