I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
