She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
