I cannot find my penis.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Congratulations! We have a period
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
