Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
