in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
