You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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