Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
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It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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