your thong is hanging out like whoa
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Randomize
