I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
did i just pee glitter
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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