I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
