yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
