he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
