i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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