Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
