im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
