I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
