some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
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He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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