Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
