Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
