clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
