so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I want her autograph on my taint
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
