she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
