it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
